Happy Birthday

It’s not that I’m obsessed about you it’s just that I’m greatly attached to your being.

It’s not that I crave your attention every second of the day it’s just that I need your presence as often as possible.

It’s not that I can’t live without you it’s just that I don’t want to imagine it as my reality.

It’s not that I can’t sleep without you it’s just that I’ve grown to love your warmth.

It’s not that I miss you every minute of the day it’s just that I adore having you in my mind.

It’s not that I won’t ever let you go it’s just that I choose never to.

Love doesn’t exist, some might say; a state of mind others say... I honestly don’t care. I’ve got you. I choose to love you, adore you, be attached to you, miss you, and care for you... as long as I live. *inshallah*

You’ve managed to stand by me through so many moments of my life. You’ve manage to be my rock when I needed you to. You’ve been everything I’ve wanted and more. I hope this day and this year brings you great joy my love. You of all people in my life deserve the best of the best. And I pray to the Lord to give you just that someday soon. And I pray for you to never doubt my intentions. This is a wish and prayer from me to you. This is a little note to let you know I’m here and always will be *inshallah*.

--- All the way from the deserts of Arabia to you.... Many Happy Returns Of The Day

Cold

Stab me in the dark, Stab me deep... make the damned smiles disappear

Let the bittersweet blood run across the cold blade... all those lifted spirits let them fade into this darkness....

Your lies are proof of everything you try to hide... you despicable soul, nothing you deserve...

Those joys of laughter you shall soon forget...

I'm here to strip you of any good you've known... For your pretense you get exactly what you ask for....

Stab me in the open, Stab me cruelly.... you pathetic fool, you know not of what your actions may cause... your weak intentions are excuses for your existence...

Feels good to touch your pale scared skin with this blade.. to see the blood running... to watch you regret.... to watch you want to take back time....

Don't hide from me you pitiful clod... You don't fool me and you never will...you should've known better than that.... either way it's too late

Stab me cold, Stab me savagely.... Let that smile on your face be your last...

I feel your body go limp in my hands... the rush of adrenaline is amazing, you give me such pleasure and you don't even know it, I shall live with that....

You cease to exist now. You lousy excuse of human. You cease to exist now.

Stab me in the dark, Stab me deep...let me dream of your eyes losing life...let me relive this moment.

a losing peace of mind...

So i think i am in the process of losing my room in the house, as in my folks as punishment of knowing who i want to marry and spend the rest of my life with apparently think taking away my room is going to change that fact...

-__- i see no connection there.. but okay...I don’t want to lose my room, because it’s my room. It has my things in it, my purple wall, my books, my friends gifts...my everything in it... and i like how it is when i sleep, real darkness. Like real dark. And i can cry whenever i want to, scream whenever i want to..sing and dance too. Honestly, their mind set really goes over my head sometimes. They want me to move into my sisters’ room, the one where my 2 younger siblings sleep in – one of which who lives in the dorms - but i really really don't want to. So again it comes down to me not asking so much from them, but they make me feel like I've done nothing for them and just keep taking, which is practically unfair. I'm not one of those rebellions in the family (though sometimes i wish i were..) and I've come to realize all people do is take advantage of that fact. Fuck them. That's all I can say. That's how pathetic the control over my own life is.

Me being me, they repeat the same damned thing they expect from me over and over, till I give in, till the point where I honestly don't see any reason in arguing and I do what they expect from me - it's been that way for the past 19 fuckin years.. and when i ask for the one thing now... all of what I've done is thrown off the wall as though it never existed...sigh...

so now my room..I can't move my stuff... i tried..theres too many things..and I just dont wanna move... besides I hardly live in that house, cos I'm constantly travelling up and down...it's the one place at home I have my damned peace of mind...for their own reasons, they demand that away from me as well.

Me being me, that will prolly happen... soon enough.