Journal 14

'got a million reasons to run and hide'

theres one each day.... and it revolves around me... the reasons why i want to run away from everything and everyone...
the consequences of my desires and actions...all the things i dont want to deal with....

i'm terrified of the pain that I could go through for being dependant.... for not thinking before doing.....

believe me... when i tell you i only want to shield myself from pain so unbearable i won't be able to handle anything too well...
it doesn't have to mean your the one who causes it....

sometimes life...is about me...when its my life....
your my life... your me... but sometimes... i suffer alone... i feel pain alone... for reasons unknown... for reasons unexplainable....

i have promised you love...and life....
i have promised you trust ... and faith...
i have promised you hope... and a safe haven....
i have promised you loyalty... and eternity...

i continue everyday to make those promises for you... to you .... withthe heart to pull through it all for you... only for you...

because i can be the one for you... i will be the one for you....

despite the pain ... the hurt... the criticism... the fear... the anxiety... the worries... the nightmares...
despite it all... i will keep promising you my life to you... i will fulfill it all for you..when time gives me the opportunity....

so believe me.... when i say i feel pain... i feel misery... on my own... for reasons unknown... for reasons unexplainable....

i'm not weak... but i'm human...
my hearts for you... and i give it all to you....

i'm scared.... but i do trust you with my life, in every sense of the word....
every breath is for you.. with every beat of my heart for you....

i'm paranoid... but i do have faith in you, faith beyond anything else that i've known....
this love is yours and noone elses....

i'm sensitive.... but i'm not made of glass...
i need your protection...but i need your respect too...

so, believe me when i say... i feel pain for reasons unknown... i feel helpless for reasons unexplainable...