So this tangled web I find myself in, if you really look close you would notice it isn't so tangled at all. I mean there he is in one end, there they are in the other and I'm right at the centre...perhaps more towards him than them. But when you really look closely at this web, the only way out for me is through them because if I choose to move towards the corner where he exists the whole web falls apart. If I move too close to him, 'them' on the other corner disentangle from the web 'disappointed' that one of their own chooses something other than the obvious choice, resulting in the breaking of the intricately designed web.
Confused? You should be, a tad bit at least. Being at the centre isn't easy, because all that happens to you, is you being thrown around like a ball on thread, treated like a puppet when having to make a choice...when you're part of a web such as this...everyone is meant to have the same rights..So how is this fair?
My world is a joyful place with your presence; they take it away as if it means nothing. Why is it so hard for one to realize another's happiness doesn't have to be along the lines as theirs? I can't live without you. And I won't let you live without me. I wish it were that easy, don't you? I can’t cry now maanee, it’s like these tears connect me to you somehow and I can’t let them go off that easily. I walk around aimlessly, choke on my own helpless cries as the tears burn my eyes and my chest tightens with pain. You’ve told me times more than once that you believe you can make me happier than I’ve ever dreamed I could be. And I believe you with every nerve in my body I believe you.
I can’t do anything without having moments and promises we shared passing through my mind. Now more than before I see your face so clearly in my head, I can’t sleep without knowing I’ve come to disappoint you more than I ever imagined I could. I can’t go back to the place I used to call home because everything is you to me. Everywhere I’d look I’ll see you in it. You my life. My soul. My spirit in everything I do. How can I part from something so wonderful as you?
I painted today. I cried. Cried wanting you to see me. Cried needing you to hold me and pray with me that we’ll have one another for the rest of our lives. Cried, needing to feel the pain through my body. The colours blurred into one. You made everything I did mean something, now it’s turning into a disappearing memory. How can I forget a life so real and true to me?
God, you’re everything to me. You’re every damn thing to me! Everything was you for me. How can it be any other way? This can’t be it. It just can’t.
The sharp edge of a knife never felt better than now against my flesh. Yes. I see the blood flowing against my pale skin. I feel nothing. How many more cuts like these would it take to make me numb whole? The height from atop as I look down, doesn’t look as scary. I won’t die. It wouldn’t hurt as much. Come with me. You know I never am this way. Be with me.
I can’t. I can’t let you live without me. I can’t be alone. Be it with people or not. I can’t let you go. I can’t. My person needs you. You never fail me. I can’t lose you. You’re everything to me. God.
Why can they not see it? Will they ever?
Weren’t we meant to be? If it wasn’t true, how is it that we make sense in every logical, emotional and practical way?
I am nothing without you. Absolutely nothing.
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